Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
