i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
