as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
