Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
