Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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