i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
