At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
50% drunk capacity currently
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize