i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
