we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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