Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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