Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I want is dick and wine.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
