I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
