I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
