do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
