Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
