I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my shit smells like andre
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
