Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
