respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its about making memories worth repressing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
