I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
