no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
