What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
