he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
