I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My bed smells like the plague
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