Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
