I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god it's open bar.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
