It was confusing and full of hummus
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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