She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
