So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
