I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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