I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
