Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
