Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
