Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We left the knife in your bed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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