allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
