i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
