I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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