Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
