i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
