I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
