He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
