Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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