haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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