No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
