You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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