Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
