hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You made out with two different species that night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize