And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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