you traded sex for a burrito?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
