in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize