I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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