You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
