I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize