There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
