just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
