she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
