i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
