____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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