Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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