What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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