I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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