your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
