You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
